“Nothing can defeat you, Spring Back into action every time you fall,” says the Author of the book Spring Mr. Ambi Parameswaran.
No one likes to fail, yet there is no single person on this planet who can claim that he or she has never failed. Disappointments, failures and rejections are an integral part of our lives. How we respond to them decide the quality of our lives and the ability to achieve our goals. Therefore, it is of utmost importance to master the art and science of bouncing back from rejections at every age and stage of life.
Though we all know rejection is an inevitable part of life, not many of us know how to handle it. The book, Spring, Bouncing back from rejections, helps us accept rejections and convert them into opportunities. Written by Advertising, marketing and branding expert and the author of many bestsellers, Ambi Parameswaran, Spring is a must-read book for everyone.
The book is filled with examples, anecdotes and stories of successful people who have faced multiple rejections and failures on their path to success. The book narrates the internal process they followed while bouncing back.
So, what can one do in the face of rejection? Isn’t the disappointment natural? How can one tackle it? How can one figure out an opportunity in failure?
While narrating his own stories of failures author, who is known for his successful journey in the world of advertising, has specific and actionable advice. The author emphasizes climbing three peaks of rejection management. The first is anticipating and facing rejection. The second is processing and recovering from the rejection, and the final peak is learning and progressing after rejection.
One must make an extra attempt to learn these three steps of rejection management, as it may not come naturally to all. Typically, in India, where competition is extremely tough, thanks to our population, one has to be prepared for rejections and failures all along the journey of life. An Indian child could face rejection at the age as young as two years while trying to get admitted to a kindergarten school. And thus, it starts a journey of successes and failures. Unless we learn to face rejections, there is no chance we could gather up the courage to continue the journey.
Why is a rejection not easy to take?
Our psychological response to rejections may have been hardwired during the phase when we all were hunters and gatherers. In the prehistoric world full of wild animals, our only way of survival was through staying close to our tribe. So, when our tribe rejected us, it was as good as a death warrant. Therefore, we dread being rejected by the group we want to get belonged to. So painful is the psychological pain of rejection that we relive it multiple times. This may stop us from attempting any new thing or take any risk that might be vital to success.
Why should we handle rejection carefully?
Rejection has a more profound impact on self-worth and self-esteem. At times it can lead to aggression and anger. Interestingly, rejections have an effect on IQ levels. While quoting some of the landmark studies, the author states that rejection makes us dumb. It lowers our IQ, hampers decision making and may have a far-reaching impact on our lives. Hence it is only wise to have a rejection handling mechanism developed for ourselves.
How do we handle rejection?
Having realized the far-reaching impact of rejection, it is only wise to have a rejection handling mechanism developed for ourselves. Though the response to rejection would differ based on personality and context, it is possible to learn some well-established traits of handling rejection.
Though the book has excellent suggestions explained through real-life examples, it is impossible to put all of them here. Here are a few that can be adopted by most of us in every context.
Don’t take it personally:
It is not YOU but your idea, CV, proposal that is rejected. Hence it is crucial to differentiate between the two.
Narrating stories of successful creative people, the author says most of them have a lower drawer in their desk where they store their rejected ideas or work. Since they are passionate about their work and believe in their ideas, they often wait for a second chance. Maybe they present it to a different client or to the same client at a better time. Invariably karma finds a way to repay, and these people find success with the same idea.
Reach out to think-tank support group
Reaching out to the right kind of people in the face of rejection is another critical step. Who will you open up your pain? Do you have a friend circle? Is there an inner team or a think tank support group to whom you can reach out without hesitation and get the right advice? If not, build it today, not tomorrow, says the author.
The person can be your family, friend, well-wishing professor, former boss, ex-colleague or anyone you think you can trust. The author says it would be foolhardy to start looking for a team after you face rejection. Need is to always have them around you. Help them when they need help. Give the right advice when they need one. Create the ecosystem of healthy interdependence so that you are for each other to face any failure/ rejection.
Let the inner critic help, not destroy you.
We all have an inner critic inside us, warning us that we may fail. The inner critic is that friend of ours who wants to protect us from the trauma of rejection. It helps us become a taskmaster or a perfectionist. But beware, let it not demotivate you. The author says we should be aware that the inner critic is harsher than the real world outside. Its job is to give you a rejection vaccine. This vaccine should help you go out confidently with your idea and not hold you back from performing.
Reframe rejection
To stay in the game, reframe. Based on his own experience, the author suggests one must understand the reasons behind the rejection. Why was the idea rejected? Can you rework around the concept? Can you probe a bit more to know the reasons? Then one must rework and represent after correcting the objections. While reframing, one may need to understand that the person who has rejected your idea will not accept it in a jiffy. So, think about it from that person’s angle who has rejected the idea. Make it easy for him or her to accept it by showing the reframed idea’s key points.
Resilience – The Spring mechanism
Resilience is the ability to bounce back. To be effective at it, one must accept the harsh reality facing you. Find meaning in terrible times and creatively improvise. Resilience does not mean you have to be positive about everything that happens to you. But it is about not brooding over it, finding ways to learn from it and move forward.
While quoting Confucius, the author says, our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fail. Spring is a book for all who want meaningful lives and a purposeful future. The book will help you discover your Spring and bounce back every time and in every situation. –By Gauri Chaudhari
This article is written by Gauri Chaudhari, the author of The Perfect pill: 10 Steps to Build a Strong Healthcare Brand. She can be reached on twitter @ChaudhariGauri or email gaurichaudhari365@gmail.com
